Holiday Grief
As I was setting up my little Christmas tree a few weeks ago, I happened to look at the small manila envelope containing my dad’s ashes. I picked up the envelope and sat down cross-legged under the tree. I stared at the envelope, reading the shiny label with his name neatly typed across it. Sitting … Continue reading Holiday Grief
Be Gentle and Find Nourishment
I spent Halloween traversing a snowy mountain in Vermont with a beloved friend. It was the type of day that reliably fills me up, deeply nourishing my body and soul. There was sunshine and hot tea, soup and fluffy snow. It was a perfect day on the cusp of changing seasons. I got home that … Continue reading Be Gentle and Find Nourishment
Gentle Soaring, Focused Hovering
I’m settling into my life in Vermont. Settling and seeking normal. Seeking while knowing that normal as it was known will never return. There is a new normal, a new way of moving through my life holding grief with every step. The normal of work now involves stepping out for phone calls to help coordinate … Continue reading Gentle Soaring, Focused Hovering
Waltz While You Can
Last year, I acted on a long-time fascination of the rite of childbirth and completed a volunteer labor doula program with the University of Vermont Medical Center. One of the most fascinating things I learned in the training is that after a child is born the flood of oxytocin released by the parent’s body makes … Continue reading Waltz While You Can
When the Tomatoes Ripen
I recently read the book Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, & Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley. I read some of it in airports and on airplanes over the nose of my tight-fitting N95 mask while in transit from Vermont to Oregon to spend time with my dad. I … Continue reading When the Tomatoes Ripen
Gossamer Shield of Whiteness (a poem)
Stepping out from behind my shimmering gossamer shield of whiteness, I am exposed to the fire, the fear, the horror of countless bodies murdered for nothing but the pigment in their skin. RETREAT! My mind shrieks to retreat, back to the silky, soft folds of my gossamer shield of whiteness. Where struggle isn’t that hard, … Continue reading Gossamer Shield of Whiteness (a poem)
An Unbreakable Thread
Loving someone or something links us together throughout time and space. There is no “till death do us part” for death does not stop us from loving. Loving deeply forms a bond, a thread (a rope, an unbreakable chain) of connection that persists long after that which is loved is gone. When Loss comes through … Continue reading An Unbreakable Thread
Untitled Wave #1
It’s a dream of sorts, to have no where to be but home. It’s a luxury of sorts, to have time to rest and work, read and create in pace with the rhythms of my body. It’s a bummer of sorts, to not be physically near friends and loved ones. It’s a torment, for certain, … Continue reading Untitled Wave #1
Where the Love Lies
Grieving is the purest and most powerful expression of love I have experienced in my life. I’ve learned over the years that grieving is necessary for a healthy soul. I’ve also learned that one can begin the process of grieving before that which you love is actually gone. My dad was recently diagnosed with Bulbar … Continue reading Where the Love Lies
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